OMG a dinosaur just ate Mrs Kirby
by miss-samurai92
Summary: Jurassic Park 3.Ok this is crap but I needed to write it for my sanity to remain intact. This is a silly story about Mrs Kirby's death because she annoyed me and my brother.


Just a bit of humour about the Jurassic Park 3 movie. Warning major character death for Mrs. Kirby because I hated her and throughout the whole movie I was devising ways to kill her off ranging from extremely random like getting round house kicked by Chuck Norris to the insanely gruesome. Hope you enjoy.

Ps. Jurassic Park does not belong to me and I make no money from it.

OMG dinosaurs just ate Mrs. Kirby

"Eric, Eric mommy's coming to get you Eric okay pukiboo"

Dr. Grant leaned towards Billy from the safety of their little hovel.

"I really hate that women, her voice sounds like a pterodactyl in labour, it makes me want to feed her to the nearest dinosaur, carnivore or not."

Billy looked totally shocked.

"You've heard a pterodactyl in labour before?"

Alan shuddered. The screeching had gotten louder and Dr. Grant was seriously beginning to think that he should just grab Billy and sneak away. However, he had a misplaced sense of chivalry and couldn't leave a poor kid out in the island that was infested with Steroid lizards; even if it meant that they would all probably get eaten because every creature from here to China could hear that stupid cow.

He sighed, "Someone needs to tell her to shut up"

Billy looked away suddenly becoming very interested with a spot on his mud- encrusted boots. Alan stood and rolled his eyes, "thanks for the help you good for nothing fluzzy"

Billy pretended not to have heard and Dr. Grant shuffled off towards the shrieking harpy.

"Em... excuse... Mrs. Kirby you ne... Loony lady...oh look Elvis... hellooooooo... seriously."

Nothing could shake the women from her screaming. Alan looked towards Mr. Kirby whose back was turned and looked like he was doing something suspicious.

"Mr. Kirby?"

Mr Kirby turned around trying to hide the flask in his pocket quite unsuccessfully. Upon noticing that he had been caught red handed, he presented the flask but Alan turned it down wanting to keep a clear head. Mr. Kirby shook his head "she drove me to drink, a stronger man would of suffocated her in her sleep a long time ago but know I would of been arrested and I have an considerable fear of handcuffs."

Alan nodded his head in agreement and glared at the offensive women.

Suddenly a loud roar shot through the forest and turned the group's blood to ice. Alan backed up quickly and grabbed Billy. A tree fell close by and crashed through the undergrowth.

"RUN" screamed Alan and pulled Billy away from the sound. Alan heard the screams from the rest of the group as they fought to catch up. A low growl stopped the group in their tracks. They all turned around for behind them were not one dinosaur but a whole herd of dinosaurs. What was weird was that the Dinos were a mixed bunch and they were not fighting or hurting one another as one would expect. A large Spinosauras appeared in the front of the stationary stampede and even from this distance looked like he had his eye fixed on Mrs Kirby.

The herd stopped and stared at the small group of humans. It was like a Mexican stand- off between the humans and the dinosaurs. Dr. Grant pulled on Billy's arm and leaned forward to the rest of the group: "move slowly into the forest." The group did so.

The large Spinosauras made a loud noise having noticed that his prey was escaping and the herd began to move again. Mr. Kirby saw his opportunity and jumped into the long, thick grass where he proceeded to pulled out his hip flasks (all twelve of them conveniently located around his body) and drunk himself into oblivion. The herd surged past him; he was not their primary target.

The group kept running when Billy shouted out "oh my gosh look a river; ha and a boat."

The group picked up speed but so had the dinosaurs and one of the guards stumbled over a broken branch and was swallowed completely by an Allosuarus. Mrs. Kirby, who ran like a deranged crab with her arms above her head, screamed and ran faster than she ever had in her entire life and in doing so pushed the remaining guard into the path of a raptor that promptly ripped him to shreds.

Dr. Grant was the first to jump in the boat, landing he ran to the front to see if he could get it to work the boat bobbled indicating that Billy had landed. Grant started the boat and began to drift of as Mrs. Kirby reached the river edge. Billy reached out, as it was a good distance between the shore and the boat "jump and I will catch you; Promise." Mrs. Kirby backed up and took a running jump. She suspended in the air for a moment before a huge sea dinosaur leapt out off the water at an alarming speed and swallowed Mrs. Kirby in one large gulp. The creature disappeared back into the murky waters. Billy's mouth was wide open in shock before he sucked in some air and turned around to be meet with a disapproving look from Alan.

Billy shrugged "wasn't my fault; besides we are better off without her"

Alan snorted, "Ah Billy no truer words have been spoken"

They laughed as the sailed away into the sunset and towards civalization.


End file.
